Hard on the Heart

Sometimes it happens when we least expect it, sometimes we know it is coming.

Losing a loved one.

At the beginning of this year, I lost my Granddaddy. He had been sick for nearly a year, so it was certainly not a surprise, but it still hits you right in the heart doesn’t it?

I grew up here in Northwest Florida, which for those of you who don’t know, is very different than South Florida. It’s a smaller town and I’ve lived here as long as I can really remember. I was born in Georgia, but Florida has always been my home.

In my earliest memories, there is my Granddad. Me sitting cross legged on the floor just out of the bath and my Granddaddy on the couch behind me, brushing my hair gently as he blow dried it. I always preferred him to brush my hair because he was extra gentle. I would sit with my eyes closed, nearly falling asleep.

It’s these simple memories that mean the most.

I have three siblings, a brother and two sisters. Of the four, I am the second oldest. I remember us piled into the back of the car, my Grandad and Grammy upfront while my Grandad sang funny songs to us.

‘One eyed one horn flying purple people eater.’

‘Get out of here with that boom boom boom.’

“I wuv you, I wuv you to bits!’

I can still hear his voice vivdly. It was deep, in a familiar 1950s tone, and he would always do all the different voices of a song.

To be honest, I haven’t really experienced death to this magnitude before. My granddad was the rock of our family and it’s been difficult navigating grief.

My granddad was a Marine and served in Vietnam. He married my grandmother in 1956 and they were married 64 years until he passed.

With COVID-19, I wasn’t able to be around his as much the last year, but when my grandmother called to tell me they were calling in hospice, I left my house that day and drove the 5 hour trip to get to their house. It was late when I arrived that Friday, but the next day I spent sitting near him, holding his hand.

Just before bed, he said something to me that I’ll keep to myself, but it was a special moment that I will cherish forever.

My granddad was pretty private, and rarely talked about his time in the Marines or the past in general, but after his passing, we sat around the table flipping through a box of old pictures.

It was like going back in time, beautiful pictures of the life and love my grandparents shared over the last 64 years. Photos of his time spent in the Marines, their wedding, and family Christmas’ all stowed away in this little box.

I spent a week with my Grammy after his passing, but when I returned home it was weird.

It’s strange to just go back to ‘normal’ after you’ve lost someone so instrumental in your life, right? Jumping right back into work, to motherhood, to home life, it is exhausting and doesn’t quite feel right.

There is one thing I know though, my Granddaddy was my biggest supporter. He would want me to go after the life I want, roll up my sleeves and work hard for it.

His passing, and the support he has always had for me, is of the main reasons I started The Joyful Bee. To live my truths, be myself, and inspire others as he always inspired me.

This post, I don’t really have any tips, each of us grieve differently, but I hope this post lets you know you aren’t alone. We are all fighting our own battles, but it is in these moments it is most important to find support and encouragement.

If you need support, encouragement, or have some inspiration of your own, let us know in the comments!